Wife saw me texting a tryst number

[Swytypy]

There are different levels to cheating.

If you’re actively having sex with your wife and have an emotionally reciprocal relationship, and you intentionally go out of your way to see a provider or another woman for additional sex, that’s the worst kind of cheating.

If you’re not having sex with your wife, but are in an emotional relationship, that’s almost as bad.

But if you’re emotionally divorced and not physically intimate, but aren’t legally separated or legally divorced, staying married for logistical/financial/childcare purposes only, but you can’t “date” anyone because of your living arrangement, then are you really cheating on anyone who means anything to you or who you mean anything to? I know you’re still legally cheating, but most people would probably give you a pass.

OP, where do you fall on this spectrum?

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[td5]

There are different levels to cheating.

If you’re actively having sex with your wife and have an emotionally reciprocal relationship, and you intentionally go out of your way to see a provider or another woman for additional sex, that’s the worst kind of cheating.

If you’re not having sex with your wife, but are in an emotional relationship, that’s almost as bad.

But if you’re emotionally divorced and not physically intimate, but aren’t legally separated or legally divorced, staying married for logistical/financial/childcare purposes only, but you can’t “date” anyone because of your living arrangement, then are you really cheating on anyone who means anything to you or who you mean anything to? I know you’re still legally cheating, but most people would probably give you a pass.

OP, where do you fall on this spectrum?

I feel like if he was in the third situation, he would have mentioned it, as it’s an obvious mitigating factor that would make people more sympathetic, and people generally are looking for sympathy when writing these posts.

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[Swytypy]

I feel like if he was in the third situation, he would have mentioned it, as it’s an obvious mitigating factor that would make people more sympathetic, and people generally are looking for sympathy when writing these posts.

Totally valid point. I didn’t assume he was in the last situation or he wouldn’t have posted, but he may be somewhere other than the first scenario, which could tailor the advice a little bit. Although what OC wrote is about as spot on as you can get no matter what.

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[king-sama4u2nv]

I don't know the insides of your marriage, but it does sound like you love your wife. @oc.businessman.33 really painted a picture as to what you can do to make things work in your marriage. Still, we don't know what is happening in you relationship to give you any valid points. A lot of us mention a sexless relationship, being divorced but not on paper, and as good as most of the advice is here we ourselves don't know what's going on in your relationship.

I think you should see where you are in you relationship and if it's worth holding onto. Are you going to get back with her to see women behind her back? Are you cool with that? If so, that's a you thing and I'm not here to judge that. All I'm saying, is if she's worth getting back then by all means do you, but if you're going to do the same thing then just have a clean break.

Also, not for nothing, if you do get back together you won't have a moments peace. The damage is done. Although, if you both are strong enough to get pass it all power to you.

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[voyman2221]

I honestly don’t think saying it was curiosity is wrong at all and may be the best, because every is curious at least that I know, married men and women and single men and women and basically everyone in the world uses computers, webcam/OF stuff, and very often go just as far as they can’t without consummating. Not knowing other background obv could impact it but it’s I believe a reality and a truth. There are a ton of men who apologized for being curios on Ashley Madison who are still married and that was t what everyone said, I had a few friends that were part of that list, all said they actually were and didn’t meet anyone, they said to me don’t know if that’s the truth or not, and all still happily married. Watching pork without a partner is curiosity. Wives are curious too. If there’s a level or real honesty imo that’s better than a flat out lie that a persons not curious anymore, cant believe they did it and won’t ever do this again, because they will, particularly if it’s not discussed with real truth involved.

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[Swytypy]

I think a good rule of thumb about cheating is, if your wife hired a man to fuck her the way we hire women, same process, same precautions, same level of activity on a forum discussing it, how would you feel about it?

If you’d be very mad or hurt by her doing that, then the guilt and remorse you feel about being caught should align with that and the words and action you take to try to atone should align with what OC wrote yesterday.

If you’d just feel crappy that she lied to you and hid something from you but don’t really feel hurt, then you shouldn’t feel shitty about your actions, but maybe should only regret that you’ve been caught because it means it limits your ability to keep doing it.

If you’d be proud of her for gettin some but don’t care that she’s cheating, then no need to apologize or feel bad at all. I doubt OP is in that tier but some of us would be.

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[Ch3vyh0tr0d]

I think a good rule of thumb about cheating is, if your wife hired a man to fuck her the way we hire women, same process, same precautions, same level of activity on a forum discussing it, how would you feel about it?

If you’d be very mad or hurt by her doing that, then the guilt and remorse you feel about being caught should align with that and the words and action you take to try to atone should align with what OC wrote yesterday.

If you’d just feel crappy that she lied to you and hid something from you but don’t really feel hurt, then you shouldn’t feel shitty about your actions, but maybe should only regret that you’ve been caught because it means it limits your ability to keep doing it.

If you’d be proud of her for gettin some but don’t care that she’s cheating, then no need to apologize or feel bad at all. I doubt OP is in that tier but some of us would be.

I honestly feel like based on his wording he's actually in the first situation (no sex but still emotionally attached) the way he was talking about fixing things and how he actually didn't see anyone... so yea i think he needs to atone and possibly look at starting a new hobby... not trying to judge anyone but as I've said before me personally I wouldn't cheat while in a monogamous relationship with emotional attachment even in a almost sex less marriage/relationship... I know how much being cheated on hurts when emotionally invested (it probably doesn't help i always have been and will be a hopeless romantic) but again OP and everyone here is a grown ass man or woman and free to make their own choices

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[GeneWood]

If you’d be proud of her for gettin some but don’t care that she’s cheating, then no need to apologize or feel bad at all. I doubt OP is in that tier but some of us would be.

Enh, that logic doesn't hold up to me. That's like saying a masochist should have a free pass to beat his wife.

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[Swytypy]

Enh, that logic doesn't hold up to me. That's like saying a masochist should have a free pass to beat his wife.

I don’t think it’s anything like that. I’m saying that some people have a relationship with their spouse that is completely open and/or non-sexual/non-romantic where it wouldn’t matter to either of them if the other one had an affair or saw an escort. I’m not saying OP is in this situation at all, just that it’s at the other extreme of the spectrum compared to being completely in love and in a romantic/sexual relationship with your spouse.

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[GeneWood]

Right, but an open relationship is very different from a guy thinking it would be cool for his wife to hire someone, and using that as a reason why it's ok for him to do it, without discussing it with her first.

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[Swytypy]

Right, but an open relationship is very different from a guy thinking it would be cool for his wife to hire someone, and using that as a reason why it's ok for him to do it, without discussing it with her first.

So you’re saying it’s ok for a wife in that type of relationship to hire a male escort without talking it over first, but not ok for the husband to then hire a female escort without discussing it first?

All I’m saying is that if you’re in the type of relationship where the husband would not care or might even be happy if he found out the wife had been with a male escort, then he shouldn’t feel bad about being with a female escort, assuming the relationship with the wife is mutual.

I think you’re adding context to my scenario that I didn’t intend and then judging it based on that additional context instead of how I meant it.

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[cherrycokes]

Cheating is a deep betrayal and is very hard for a partner to recover from, with mistrust manifesting in both existing and future relationships. That's what chatgpt said so it must be true.

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[dob18]

Cheating is a deep betrayal and is very hard for a partner to recover from, with mistrust manifesting in both existing and future relationships. That's what chatgpt said so it must be true.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that lets skynet make major life decisions.

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[derpman]

Hate to say it, but it's up to fortune now. We have to live with our choices.

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[Sexaddict]

Do we have any new updates on this?

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[lvg99]

Do we have any new updates on this?

The lack of updates is probably not a good sign for his well being. Or the opposite. They’re either fucking it out or she killed him.

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[Swytypy]

They’re either fucking it out or she killed him.

Boy, that escalated quickly. You can’t envision any middle ground options?

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[OrganicCarrot]

Just say a lot of men see escorts including and especially married men.

This dude wants to bang your wife OP

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[OrganicCarrot]

The lack of updates is probably not a good sign for his well being. Or the opposite. They’re either fucking it out or she killed him.

Honestly if this happened to me, I'd probably not even think about coming here for a while. Dude already got caught texting a Tryst ad, imagine if he gets caught having an account on this forum? There'd be no way he could say "it was just a 1 time moment of weakness"

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[Sexaddict]

Boy, that escalated quickly. You can’t envision any middle ground options?

Straight in the coffin or the gentleman popped a Cialis and they're going at It like rabbits. I hope for the latter

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