I’m gonna have to read this twice. Once now. Then tomorrow after I slept on it cause I’m hitting the blunt and Scotty’s beaming me up.
Your reply deserves that level of care and attention to detail from me. Let me circle back on this one.
First and foremost, I misspoke on a few levels here. When I said outrage, mentally I was thinking of just an elevated emotional response to all of this.
Disappointment and feeling snubbed by her ignorance towards what you’ve done promoting her seems more accurate, as you clarified.
The second thing on my end is when I said “But I’m having trouble being moved or placing myself in your shoes…cause every time I do I just don’t feel the outrage.”
I mean literally that. I kept trying to feel what I would imagine I should feel in the exact same situation. And I can’t feel anything.
I’m too traumatized, too close to the edge of misanthropy on any given day, and too jaded to be able to understand this on anything deeper than the dispassionate, intellectual level.
It’s why I blurted out “if I wanted brains I’d go to the Physics department” yesterday too. Not saying pornstars are all stupid or incapable of being brilliant, wonderful people. But I’m not looking or expecting it in them, just like I don’t expect an Infantry Marine or a SEAL to be a paragon of virtue or intelligence either. I’m not selecting them for their finer qualities, only the primary skillset needed for the mission of the day.
A pornstar fucks, a SEAL or Marine destroys. The rest of what they are is merely nice to know.
I’m not sure what’s colder these days, dry ice or me. But when a sex worker is selfish, I’m over here like “people suck and water is wet.”
Ultimately my view of it is this: she was going to do whatever she was going to do because she wished to. And she’ll either feel the loss to her bottom line if the sentiment you expressed here is as embraced by others who aren’t talking about it, as it is by some of the folks sharing their thoughts on it.
She’ll either notice or she won’t. And if she does notice, maybe she’ll fix things. Maybe she won’t. She has the tism too, she might not even realize what she did.
Maybe she’d be as horrified as I would be if I offended someone who did right by me. Maybe she wouldn’t.
Anyway look I’m really sorry I’ve been callous about all this. I’m going to go blast my mind out again and try to sleep it off again. Later.