Not sure what to do, advice/thoughts?

[TheGreatCornholio]

I need to seek out some advice from people who won't just judge me like so many do in the civilian world. I am a male who has been seeing providers since...

I need to seek out some advice from people who won't just judge me like so many do in the civilian world. I am a male who has been seeing providers since 2018. I was very green at first in regards to the romantic world of hiring a provider and the first woman I became a regular for really taught me a lot about this world. She taught me about boundaries and needing them and no matter what they really should not be compromised.

Over the past 5 years I have seen a handful of providers when needing to satisfy the urge to experience sex with someone other then my right hand lol. Except for my regular it was a very small amount of women I saw in that 5 year span. I think most of that was to avoid developing some kind of real emotional feelings for that person.

Skip ahead to the last time I ever visited a provider. It seemed innocent and routine enough. But something was different about the experience. We really clicked well from the start. I enjoyed her company and made an effort to see her once a month. It was nice having her there for a few hours every month. We would talk for hours on end sometimes totally getting lost in time. The sexual part of the meetings was always a treat. But after some time of routinely seeing her that kind of became almost secondary. I still extremely enjoyed sex with her but it really developed into such a loving act.

Anyways skip ahead over the past year and she had to deal with some heavy issues. Things I won't go into because I feel bad enough to air this out on any forum really. We dealt with these issues and I wanted to be there for her as much as possible to help support her emotionally. I grew to love her. It appeared the same was happening on her end. During this time as far as I know she stopped being a provider. It appeared we were now heading into relationship territory. We referred to one another as gf/bf and everything seemed headed in a good direction. But her issues could not be slayed as easily I as expected. Which was truly naive of me to think a change of scenery and living with me would overnight just change everything for the better.

We stopped being intimate over this time and I was okay with this. I knew she was dealing with so much emotionally so again I just wanted to try to understand everything and be there for her as best I could be. But...that being said I do have urges and missed not just the sexual release but the very intimate way we connected when we made love.

I decided to just peruse a provider site to perhaps book a date with a provider to experience sex again. And then I saw she had an ad on the site. At first I thought maybe it was old, but it was up to date and current.

Now I am no angel in this story. I was on a site looking for sex myself. So I understand that. But I felt a little well devestated at finding out this information.

In truth I wish she would have trusted me enough to this point to just be honest and tell me. I love her truly and deeply. But I also wanted to try to understand why she went back to it. When we first ventured into this non escort/client relationship she did not like me using that word at all. And we didn't really discuss it at all. Part of me feels she is not exactly happy to be back doing this. But on the other hand I really have no idea. I know she has been through so much the past year. I only really know though what she wants me to know. We have opened up to each other about so much though. I just am at a loss right now.

I guess that is why I am here now pouring my heart and soul out to try and make sense of what to do. I don't know if telling her the truth of me looking for my own escort experience and finding her ad is the right way to go here. I value honesty because it's just easier to deal with. I guess the other part of me does feel a bit hurt as well from our sexual relationship seemingly all but over. Which I feel is also kind of selfish on my part but I am human and we all have needs. I don't want to not have this woman in my life. She is very special to me. I just really don't know what to do at this point. Do I just bury the truth and go on with our lives and see where this relationship goes. Or do I swallow the bitter pill and let her know I found out about this the way I did.

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[Sexaddict]

Tell her about it.
Tell her that you seen that she’s still an escort, because trust me, you DO NOT want to get involved with an escort.

If she’s not an escort anymore, fine, do what you feel like BUT when she’s still an escort, dob’t get involved. Tell her in all honesty that you can’t be with her until she stops being an escort.

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[TheGreatCornholio]

Well she definitely is still being an escort.

This is a fact.

Just sucks because the only way for me to say hey I saw you on Tryst is by outing myself to her that I was on there looking for sex myself.

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[Sexaddict]

Well she definitely is still being an escort.

This is a fact.

Just sucks because the only way for me to say hey I saw you on Tryst is by outing myself to her that I was on there looking for sex myself.

You’re not in a relationship and she’s an escort. She sees 100 men each week. I say confront her.

From personal experience you do not want to stay “friends” with an escort. You want to give her an ultimatum, its either continue to be an escort or a relationship with you.

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[TheGreatCornholio]

You’re not in a relationship and she’s an escort. She sees 100 men each week. I say confront her.

From personal experience you do not want to stay “friends” with an escort. You want to give her an ultimatum, its either continue to be an escort or a relationship with you.

Your response is the answer I already know is correct. And I guess I fear it because I know already she won't give it up. She has no job and from thinking about this from when we moved in and then she quickly moved out she probably hasn't had one in years. This sucks lol...ah well Cest La Vie...

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[lakersfan5678]

I’m sorry my man. It is hard not developing feelings sometimes especially when there is chemistry.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

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[chapstick]

You stated that all things were leading to a relationship but neither of you formally referred to it as such (notwithstanding the calling each other bf/gf which can be said in a superficial manner). As much as i know about this world and having spoken to some escorts who are in relationships - it only works with good communication, unless you both communicated this is a relationship, is this open? Will she carry on work etc then the old adage of assuming makes an ass of u etc . I don't think you were in a relationship, it may have felt like that but you weren't so not sure on what grounds you have to confront her on having an ad up as you never discussed that you both agreed that she would take it down. If a relationship is what you want then communicate this if not let it go and see others just my 2 pence/cents

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[chapstick]

Now if the sex stopped with her but you still paying for sessions then yeah confront her. If you were being nice by neglecting the sexual part of the meet/session but she has an ad up where she is seeing others then yeah ask her why the situation has changed even though the payments have remained. Otherwise chalk it up to the game and leave

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[TheGreatCornholio]

You stated that all things were leading to a relationship but neither of you formally referred to it as such (notwithstanding the calling each other bf/gf which can be said in a superficial manner). As much as i know about this world and having spoken to some escorts who are in relationships - it only works with good communication, unless you both communicated this is a relationship, is this open? Will she carry on work etc then the old adage of assuming makes an ass of u etc . I don't think you were in a relationship, it may have felt like that but you weren't so not sure on what grounds you have to confront her on having an ad up as you never discussed that you both agreed that she would take it down. If a relationship is what you want then communicate this if not let it go and see others just my 2 pence/cents

Now if the sex stopped with her but you still paying for sessions then yeah confront her. If you were being nice by neglecting the sexual part of the meet/session but she has an ad up where she is seeing others then yeah ask her why the situation has changed even though the payments have remained. Otherwise chalk it up to the game and leave

Well you are kind of right about this not being a proper real relationship.

But she was the one that kind of led that horse to the water. We were supposed to see each other as a paid meeting in OCT. She disappeared and I always paid her upfront so assumed she ghosted me. But she was actually in a 30 day hospital/rehab stay. She eventually got out and contacted me and when we next hung out she confided in me more personal details than ever before. Gave me her real phone number and we talked everyday from then on. We went on a non paid dates from that day forward.

She wound back in the hospital/rehab again in APR and I was her support system. Again speaking everyday. Telling me she wanted to be with me and stay with me. I mean I get what you are saying but it sure as hell fell like a relationship to me at this point. She had taken down all her ads and was no longer escorting from what I know of from OCT onward.

The new add went up within the last month of her moving out after I moved her into my apartment. So, yeah she had stopped and now not having an actual job fell back into doing it because how else is she gonna pay for life if she doesn't have a real civilian life job.

She hasn't tried to milk money from me at all during this time. The only real expense I made was volunteering to help move her stuff from my place back to the city because I wanted to do something to be nice. I also wanted her to leave though because she's an alcoholic and she was drinking pretty much for 80% of the time she lived with me for the month.

You can say we never declared this a relationship but she basically has. I have asked her what are we now. And she said we are together...although I agree it's still kind of vague. In reality though I agree with you and I probably should have just cut her out of my life once she moved out. But again after going through so much together and being connected emotionally like this over the past 8 months for me its not really that easy to do. I did see her as someone I could build a relationship. But again this was because I thought she was committed to that as well. We discussed plans about our lives and being together as a couple. But again once she moved out I should have seen that as this wasn't meant to be and stop trying because from me telling friends this story they also said the only one trying here was you.

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[chapstick]

Well you are kind of right about this not being a proper real relationship.

But she was the one that kind of led that horse to the water. We were supposed to see each other as a paid meeting in OCT. She disappeared and I always paid her upfront so assumed she ghosted me. But she was actually in a 30 day hospital/rehab stay. She eventually got out and contacted me and when we next hung out she confided in me more personal details than ever before. Gave me her real phone number and we talked everyday from then on. We went on a non paid dates from that day forward.

She wound back in the hospital/rehab again in APR and I was her support system. Again speaking everyday. Telling me she wanted to be with me and stay with me. I mean I get what you are saying but it sure as hell fell like a relationship to me at this point. She had taken down all her ads and was no longer escorting from what I know of from OCT onward.

The new add went up within the last month of her moving out after I moved her into my apartment. So, yeah she had stopped and now not having an actual job fell back into doing it because how else is she gonna pay for life if she doesn't have a real civilian life job.

She hasn't tried to milk money from me at all during this time. The only real expense I made was volunteering to help move her stuff from my place back to the city because I wanted to do something to be nice. I also wanted her to leave though because she's an alcoholic and she was drinking pretty much for 80% of the time she lived with me for the month.

You can say we never declared this a relationship but she basically has. I have asked her what are we now. And she said we are together...although I agree it's still kind of vague. In reality though I agree with you and I probably should have just cut her out of my life once she moved out. But again after going through so much together and being connected emotionally like this over the past 8 months for me its not really that easy to do. I did see her as someone I could build a relationship. But again this was because I thought she was committed to that as well. We discussed plans about our lives and being together as a couple. But again once she moved out I should have seen that as this wasn't meant to be and stop trying because from me telling friends this story they also said the only one trying here was you.

I hear you some of the things you have said here would mean you wouldn't be human if you didn't think it was a relationship. As your last sentence says here , it can't be only you trying , if she is going thru stuff then maybe you wouldn't expect her to give the same amount of effort into making it work because she may not have the capacity/bandwidth but she has to give you something. It does suck though

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[TheGreatCornholio]

I hear you some of the things you have said here would mean you wouldn't be human if you didn't think it was a relationship. As your last sentence says here , it can't be only you trying , if she is going thru stuff then maybe you wouldn't expect her to give the same amount of effort into making it work because she may not have the capacity/bandwidth but she has to give you something. It does suck though

Well I tried to just tell her about this and was too emotional. I couldn't bring myself to do it at that moment. I even muttered I am so afraid to talk to you about this. She gave a puzzled look and was like but we just talked for like 3 hours straight last night.

So unless she is totally oblvious she has to be picking up a vibe from me that I know. Or else she is just blocking it out completely (which she does) and has decided in her mind I am just being emotional and that's it.

If I don't do it today by the time she leaves then I probably never will mention it and just slowly wean her out of my everyday life.

To your point she did say to me how she doesn't have much to give in terms of emotional support because between her mental health problems, drinking, and obviously everything else in her life she just can't be me my only outlet. Which she really is not.

But she has told me before how she doesn't have the bandwith to be what I really deserve in a relationship. It really seems like she wants it all. To be able to escort as she wants/needs but for me to be there for her whenever she has a need for her emotional support blanket. And it kind of was like that from the day she had moved in. It does seem this is doomed to failure no matter what I decide though so thanks at least for giving a sense of perspective.

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[lustman]

Sooo...sorry to hear this man. On one hand, we always want to avoid catching the feels. On the other hand, we're only human.

It seems to me like you need clarification on what your relationship is. It's too vague right now, at least that's what I'm gathering. And that lack of clarity if what's giving you grief. And interestingly enough, I think you know this on some level, since you tried to talk to her already.

I'm thinking this is what you may want to do. Take some time to figure out and write down your NWE's (Needs, Wants, and Expectations) out of this relationship. Then ask her to do the same. Then you both sit down, compare them, and figure out where to go from there. Maybe this can clear the air a bit. and provide greater clarity? Also, making the greatest effort to shove emotion out of this might be a good idea too. It's possible liquid courage can help with this.

Right now, real talk, it seems to me that the best case scenario is that you end up being friends, but not gf / bf. Worst case scenario is that you both move on, angrily from one another. And with the former...there's nothing wrong with being that bedrock platonic friend. Kinda sucks, but as you said, c'est la vie. Regardless, I wish you the best man! Fingers crossed for you.

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[TheGreatCornholio]

Sooo...sorry to hear this man. On one hand, we always want to avoid catching the feels. On the other hand, we're only human.

It seems to me like you need clarification on what your relationship is. It's too vague right now, at least that's what I'm gathering. And that lack of clarity if what's giving you grief. And interestingly enough, I think you know this on some level, since you tried to talk to her already.

I'm thinking this is what you may want to do. Take some time to figure out and write down your NWE's (Needs, Wants, and Expectations) out of this relationship. Then ask her to do the same. Then you both sit down, compare them, and figure out where to go from there. Maybe this can clear the air a bit. and provide greater clarity? Also, making the greatest effort to shove emotion out of this might be a good idea too. It's possible liquid courage can help with this.

Right now, real talk, it seems to me that the best case scenario is that you end up being friends, but not gf / bf. Worst case scenario is that you both move on, angrily from one another. And with the former...there's nothing wrong with being that bedrock platonic friend. Kinda sucks, but as you said, c'est la vie. Regardless, I wish you the best man! Fingers crossed for you.

It's funny though because if I am being honest I am kind of pissed off she fucked up a good thing we had going as being an escort/client. The sex was awesome, she checks all the boxes I like in looks for a girl, and she loved to DFK and I love to kiss.

I feel like why the fuck couldn't she just have kept this under that classification instead of her deciding she wanted to invite me into her real world, and her real problems.

If she had made the designation early that we would just be close friends and not lovers I could deal. But if we aren't even going to fuck anymore (only did it once after paying stopped) than what am I getting out this? Putting in ton of emotional labor to know she is serving it up to paying customers when I as easily and happily could have stayed one as well.

I agree that it seems like the best case scenario is being her friend. I think right now I can't deal with that because I still am extremely sexually attracted to her. I think for me it will be not texting, calling her like I was. I mean I was in BF mode texting her sweet text good morning daily. As was already said to me this was blooming into a relationship.

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[Sexaddict]

It's funny though because if I am being honest I am kind of pissed off she fucked up a good thing we had going as being an escort/client. The sex was awesome, she checks all the boxes I like in looks for a girl, and she loved to DFK and I love to kiss.

I feel like why the fuck couldn't she just have kept this under that classification instead of her deciding she wanted to invite me into her real world, and her real problems.

If she had made the designation early that we would just be close friends and not lovers I could deal. But if we aren't even going to fuck anymore (only did it once after paying stopped) than what am I getting out this? Putting in ton of emotional labor to know she is serving it up to paying customers when I as easily and happily could have stayed one as well.

I agree that it seems like the best case scenario is being her friend. I think right now I can't deal with that because I still am extremely sexually attracted to her. I think for me it will be not texting, calling her like I was. I mean I was in BF mode texting her sweet text good morning daily. As was already said to me this was blooming into a relationship.

I was in the same situation as you once with a sugarbabe. I used to text her goodmorning, almost everyday for a long time. But it never works out. They (Escorts) already has a few other men they text with everyday.

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[TheGreatCornholio]

I was in the same situation as you once with a sugarbabe. I used to text her goodmorning, almost everyday for a long time. But it never works out. They (Escorts) already has a few other men they text with everyday.

The only thing I don't understand is why she is carrying on this charade though. She isn't getting money from me or even asking even though she tells me about all daily her trials and tribulations. She mentions an endless amount of "friends" she supposedly knows. When we hung out this weekend she stated it calmed her down and she feels safe with me. So am I just now her emotional security blanket?

I think she also might actually have an STD because she claimed to develop cysts near her vagina because of stress. Which was a reason she was like she didn't want to have sex. She felt self concious. But it seems like she may have caught something as well. So maybe the fact we haven't had sex is actually a really good thing at this point.

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[lakersfan5678]

She probably does like the security and support you provide her, especially if the rest of her world is chaos.
The sex probably did stop because she has contracted something that she doesn’t want to give you.

The question is are you ok with being that friend to her and hope she eventually figures out her stuff and feelings for you or do you cut and run.

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[TheGreatCornholio]

She probably does like the security and support you provide her, especially if the rest of her world is chaos.
The sex probably did stop because she has contracted something that she doesn’t want to give you.

The question is are you ok with being that friend to her and hope she eventually figures out her stuff and feelings for you or do you cut and run.

This is pretty spot on about what I need to figure out in the immediate future.

I actually have done some reading about her mental disorder and how it can affect women who wind up doing sex work.

Unfortunately it seems like things are getting worse since she left the hospital. And IDK what she can do to really get out of this vicious cycle.

Honestly this is the saddest part. Because no matter how much I want to be there for her it won't change the mental disorders hold on her. I can only do so much to try to help be an emotional support system for her. She even said it herself it doesn't matter how much support you have, or how medicated you get to try to be balanced. The problem will always be there lurking about, waiting to take hold.

I know I am probably giving her way to much of the benefit of the doubt. But I have no doubt if she didn't have the mental illness she would never have entered this world. Granted I never would have met her than. So it's a total Catch-22.

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