T
TheGreatCornholio
Guest
I need to seek out some advice from people who won't just judge me like so many do in the civilian world. I am a male who has been seeing providers since 2018. I was very green at first in regards to the romantic world of hiring a provider and the first woman I became a regular for really taught me a lot about this world. She taught me about boundaries and needing them and no matter what they really should not be compromised.
Over the past 5 years I have seen a handful of providers when needing to satisfy the urge to experience sex with someone other then my right hand lol. Except for my regular it was a very small amount of women I saw in that 5 year span. I think most of that was to avoid developing some kind of real emotional feelings for that person.
Skip ahead to the last time I ever visited a provider. It seemed innocent and routine enough. But something was different about the experience. We really clicked well from the start. I enjoyed her company and made an effort to see her once a month. It was nice having her there for a few hours every month. We would talk for hours on end sometimes totally getting lost in time. The sexual part of the meetings was always a treat. But after some time of routinely seeing her that kind of became almost secondary. I still extremely enjoyed sex with her but it really developed into such a loving act.
Anyways skip ahead over the past year and she had to deal with some heavy issues. Things I won't go into because I feel bad enough to air this out on any forum really. We dealt with these issues and I wanted to be there for her as much as possible to help support her emotionally. I grew to love her. It appeared the same was happening on her end. During this time as far as I know she stopped being a provider. It appeared we were now heading into relationship territory. We referred to one another as gf/bf and everything seemed headed in a good direction. But her issues could not be slayed as easily I as expected. Which was truly naive of me to think a change of scenery and living with me would overnight just change everything for the better.
We stopped being intimate over this time and I was okay with this. I knew she was dealing with so much emotionally so again I just wanted to try to understand everything and be there for her as best I could be. But...that being said I do have urges and missed not just the sexual release but the very intimate way we connected when we made love.
I decided to just peruse a provider site to perhaps book a date with a provider to experience sex again. And then I saw she had an ad on the site. At first I thought maybe it was old, but it was up to date and current.
Now I am no angel in this story. I was on a site looking for sex myself. So I understand that. But I felt a little well devestated at finding out this information.
In truth I wish she would have trusted me enough to this point to just be honest and tell me. I love her truly and deeply. But I also wanted to try to understand why she went back to it. When we first ventured into this non escort/client relationship she did not like me using that word at all. And we didn't really discuss it at all. Part of me feels she is not exactly happy to be back doing this. But on the other hand I really have no idea. I know she has been through so much the past year. I only really know though what she wants me to know. We have opened up to each other about so much though. I just am at a loss right now.
I guess that is why I am here now pouring my heart and soul out to try and make sense of what to do. I don't know if telling her the truth of me looking for my own escort experience and finding her ad is the right way to go here. I value honesty because it's just easier to deal with. I guess the other part of me does feel a bit hurt as well from our sexual relationship seemingly all but over. Which I feel is also kind of selfish on my part but I am human and we all have needs. I don't want to not have this woman in my life. She is very special to me. I just really don't know what to do at this point. Do I just bury the truth and go on with our lives and see where this relationship goes. Or do I swallow the bitter pill and let her know I found out about this the way I did.
Over the past 5 years I have seen a handful of providers when needing to satisfy the urge to experience sex with someone other then my right hand lol. Except for my regular it was a very small amount of women I saw in that 5 year span. I think most of that was to avoid developing some kind of real emotional feelings for that person.
Skip ahead to the last time I ever visited a provider. It seemed innocent and routine enough. But something was different about the experience. We really clicked well from the start. I enjoyed her company and made an effort to see her once a month. It was nice having her there for a few hours every month. We would talk for hours on end sometimes totally getting lost in time. The sexual part of the meetings was always a treat. But after some time of routinely seeing her that kind of became almost secondary. I still extremely enjoyed sex with her but it really developed into such a loving act.
Anyways skip ahead over the past year and she had to deal with some heavy issues. Things I won't go into because I feel bad enough to air this out on any forum really. We dealt with these issues and I wanted to be there for her as much as possible to help support her emotionally. I grew to love her. It appeared the same was happening on her end. During this time as far as I know she stopped being a provider. It appeared we were now heading into relationship territory. We referred to one another as gf/bf and everything seemed headed in a good direction. But her issues could not be slayed as easily I as expected. Which was truly naive of me to think a change of scenery and living with me would overnight just change everything for the better.
We stopped being intimate over this time and I was okay with this. I knew she was dealing with so much emotionally so again I just wanted to try to understand everything and be there for her as best I could be. But...that being said I do have urges and missed not just the sexual release but the very intimate way we connected when we made love.
I decided to just peruse a provider site to perhaps book a date with a provider to experience sex again. And then I saw she had an ad on the site. At first I thought maybe it was old, but it was up to date and current.
Now I am no angel in this story. I was on a site looking for sex myself. So I understand that. But I felt a little well devestated at finding out this information.
In truth I wish she would have trusted me enough to this point to just be honest and tell me. I love her truly and deeply. But I also wanted to try to understand why she went back to it. When we first ventured into this non escort/client relationship she did not like me using that word at all. And we didn't really discuss it at all. Part of me feels she is not exactly happy to be back doing this. But on the other hand I really have no idea. I know she has been through so much the past year. I only really know though what she wants me to know. We have opened up to each other about so much though. I just am at a loss right now.
I guess that is why I am here now pouring my heart and soul out to try and make sense of what to do. I don't know if telling her the truth of me looking for my own escort experience and finding her ad is the right way to go here. I value honesty because it's just easier to deal with. I guess the other part of me does feel a bit hurt as well from our sexual relationship seemingly all but over. Which I feel is also kind of selfish on my part but I am human and we all have needs. I don't want to not have this woman in my life. She is very special to me. I just really don't know what to do at this point. Do I just bury the truth and go on with our lives and see where this relationship goes. Or do I swallow the bitter pill and let her know I found out about this the way I did.
