First off, wanted to say I am still here for now... don't want to lie and say I've done a total 180 and am all good but also not currently sitting here with a gun to my head ready to pull the trigger.
I appreciate all the replies here and messages I've received (even if I have not replied). I chose to post this thread not as some attention whore seeking empathy and what not, but primarily as an outlet because of the subject matter that has plunged me into such severe depression. It's not exactly a normal/common topic that I can be super open about with friends or family. Saying I've done this for a PS/escort would open up a ton of other issues with at least a few of them... only members here can/would be understanding of this and you have been even more than I could have imagined.
Mostly, the comments sharing their personal similar experiences have helped the most. I can't believe how much these women will take and take and take without giving (not necessarily sex, but anything). The one major difference which might explain a bit more of my problem is that many of you seem to be great white sharks while I am one of those remora fish. It's amazing to me (and kudos to you) how much some of you can spend on/buy for some of these women and not feel it much. I'm sure it still hurts and you get angry about the situations. For me, I live paycheck-to-paycheck. In last few months I've had some extra money hence the extra willingness to give more to this one woman. But I coulda saved it instead and made my life easier instead of blowing it on her for, what has amounted to, nothing.
Anyway, adding to my original post as another thing occurred... so, the woman had posted a few weeks ago something she wanted for her birthday. She put it up on one of those sites where people can chip in until the total cost ($483.72) was covered. Over the first few weeks I was only one to chip in to the tune of $243.72... over 4 payments. She not only never even said thanks, she one time complained that she coulda used the money toward something more important (cell phone bill). Well, last night another member here paid the remaining $240 and bought it for her. She said on twitter she would do "dirty things" for the item. So he'll reap the benefits of that, while I get nothing. (Not his fault at all, good for him, not blaming him in the least bit to be clear here, again totally my fault... I should have chipped in nothing OR bought the entire thing).
This is the 3rd time this has happened. One time I paid half her cell bill but another person paid the remainder (it's a really large bill) and she wound up fucking him. Another time I got her money to help keep her out of legal trouble, but another person paid more toward it and she wound up fucking him as a thank you, too.
One can only be kicked in the balls so many times before they decide to castrate themselves (no I am not going to cut off my own balls, this specific thing is just a metaphor).
Hopefully I can fight thru this and come out on the other side of it. Just know that one way or the other, I appreciate all that have reached out and shared similar stories and made an effort to help.
