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A cautionary tale: don’t guilt trip yourself (a brief cost overrun story)

Solitaire

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I’ll keep it as short as I can but it’s never as short as I like. Though I’ve been hobbying since 2015 in various forms, 2020-2021 was when I stepped up to elite level providers and pornstars. And as someone who isn’t a high level corporate executive, my bankroll year to year when in college is best compared to how the venerable P-51 Mustang of WW2 fame dogfights; boom and zoom. Though it’s changing now that I’m graduating next semester and I have a lot of other things lined up or being lined up before this time next year.

I don’t feel too guilty about it, cause I figured it was more like an advance; Uncle Sam was going to get far more out of me than it gave me on the back end. Far more.

Anyway, this is to say that I’ve been a sex crazed, window shopping motherfucker sometimes in the past. And I definitely have been doing my best to rebuild a reputation that erases any inkling of that. To do that, you gotta pay your dues. Especially if they are past due.

I just got done emailing a non-PS provider who I dreamed of for years. Wanted a LTR type arrangement with her and was going to make it happen one way or the other.

Here’s the bullshit; a bit of miscommunication on my end and a bit too much back and forth after what was supposed to be a simple status update email going out from me, led to me feeling like I had to overcompensate.

So instead of spending an original budget of like $600-1,000 at the most and reinvesting the rest of what I intended to use this semester, I dropped 3k. 1k alone in gifts.

Just to be generous but also to erase all doubt. It wasn’t quite a power play and it wasn’t like I was coerced or guilt tripped here. But like…you don’t have to drink to get drunk and be stupid. Your own ego and insecurities might just do it.

And right now, I’m cutting anchor because of another gut feeling. Not relevant to the discussion but you know, it’s a bit of a loss. And a bit of a learning experience.

Just figured I’d share since I’ve heard stories from some of y’all or read stories on here. Just stop and think next time. You can be honorable and respectful without being excessive. You don’t have anything extra to prove, except for whatever promises you made.

Don’t overdeliver. Give your word carefully and keep it. But just keep it. And keep it simple stupid.

That’s all I got. Don’t be me.
 
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