When a fan falls hard …

[TanyaTate]

Ever seen a fan go completely rogue? One minute he’s professing undying love to his favourite porn star, planning future dates and vacations. Next minute he...

Ever seen a fan go completely rogue? One minute he’s professing undying love to his favourite porn star, planning future dates and vacations. Next minute he realises she’s not exclusive, not about to be his real life free girlfriend, and suddenly he’s heartbroken and spitting venom like it’s some crazy drama.

So lads, how do you handle it when the crush goes from sweet to psycho? Is there anything a girl can say up front to soften the blow or prep the fan beforehand, or is a meltdown pretty much guaranteed once that fantasy bubble pops?

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[TanyaTate]

Just so you know…. It’s not one of you lot on here. I wanted to make that clear.

I’m just curious about opening up a discussion. I can ask my girlfriends this question, but it’s not the same. I’m really interested in knowing what goes on in men’s minds.

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[usngub00]

o boy, i hope this isnt something youre experiencing. just tell him to be realistic etc. I have crushed on a PS friend i have been with but reality kicks you in the ass in a week or 2 and then im back to being friends with her and being platonic when we hang out or go do stuff.

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[TanyaTate]

o boy, i hope this isnt something youre experiencing. just tell him to be realistic etc. I have crushed on a PS friend i have been with but reality kicks you in the ass in a week or 2 and then im back to being friends with her and being platonic when we hang out or go do stuff.

I tried to clearly explain my responsibilities in a firm, but kind way. However I had to block him now, the words were crazy like venom. I was very shocked because he really was so nice.

It’s lovely to have a crush, that’s great that you’re able to handle it and have a platonic relationship

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[Pt435]

Limerence is a motherfucker. Men need to realize that they are paying for a fantasy. Unless you both just have immediate sparks and you make it clear to the guy that you have a genuine connection, there should be no reason for that man to ever believe he knows you or is in a real relationship with you. I'm not sure how to get that through him, but you definitely gotta let him know that your relationship with him is strictly transactional.

But obviously this can be done with empathy should you choose to go there. It's easy to get swept up in the feeling of intimacy when you have a beautiful woman in your bed who listens to you and makes you feel loved or respected in a way he hasn't had before. Encourage him to look at the underlying reasons he is seeking out this paid connection rather than a traditional relationship if that's what it comes down to. It might be hard to miss out the money and harder for him emotionally, but it will likely protect you both. I hope you're safe and that he listens.

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[Pt435]

I tried to clearly explain my responsibilities in a firm, but kind way. However I had to block him now, the words were crazy like venom. I was very shocked because he really was so nice.

It’s lovely to have a crush, that’s great that you’re able to handle it and have a platonic relationship

Ahhh damn, just saw this. Yeah, if he is being really despicable or threatening, definitely walk the fuck away from that. His loss at the end of the day for not respecting you. Hope you're okay.

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[TanyaTate]

Limerence is a motherfucker. Men need to realize that they are paying for a fantasy. Unless you both just have immediate sparks and you make it clear to the guy that you have a genuine connection, there should be no reason for that man to ever believe he knows you or is in a real relationship with you. I'm not sure how to get that through him, but you definitely gotta let him know that your relationship with him is strictly transactional.

But obviously this can be done with empathy should you choose to go there. It's easy to get swept up in the feeling of intimacy when you have a beautiful woman in your bed who listens to you and makes you feel loved or respected in a way he hasn't had before. Encourage him to look at the underlying reasons he is seeking out this paid connection rather than a traditional relationship if that's what it comes down to. It might be hard to miss out the money and harder for him emotionally, but it will likely protect you both. I hope you're safe and that he listens.

Thank you for these words. I speak from my heart and I really try and find a genuine connection with everyone that I meet.

It’s must be difficult sometimes for the guy to try and figure out reality versus the in the moment fantasy, when they are invested so deep emotionally.

I had to block him. No amount of dollars is worth the abuse that he gave me. Hopefully he will find the space and the time to calm down and heal himself. Unfortunately, after the things, he said there is no going back. He lost a good thing.

I think I need to recognize when it’s time to officially declare I am not your real life full-time girlfriend.

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[TanyaTate]

Ahhh damn, just saw this. Yeah, if he is being really despicable or threatening, definitely walk the fuck away from that. His loss at the end of the day for not respecting you. Hope you're okay.

If your first interaction with someone is via a sexting site (texts / calls / video chats), I’m not sure at one point in someone’s mind they decide they deserve the girls undivided attention for free.

Yes, I had to walk away. Definitely his loss. Thank you

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[usngub00]

I tried to clearly explain my responsibilities in a firm, but kind way. However I had to block him now, the words were crazy like venom. I was very shocked because he really was so nice.

It’s lovely to have a crush, that’s great that you’re able to handle it and have a platonic relationship

maybe us, 1 day

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[Pt435]

Of course. And I can see why and relate to it. I didn't harass, insult or threaten an escort by any means lol; in fact I actually became good friends with one! But craving sex to mask a lack of intimacy and honest connections with people I knew that turns into self loathing. If people want just sex out of something, people need to respect that and not demand more emotional labor. Especially if it is transactional or a fuck buddy set up. I got caught up in thinking that sleeping with people made them deeply connected and that wasn't the case, so I hurt myself in the process. My relationship with sex and intimacy evolved over time with a lot of therapy and hard questions I asked about myself. The hobby was a great outlet for exploring that too. Glad you responded and definitely wishing you well. Hopefully we can meet some day.

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[Pt435]

PS: You're the SECOND redheaded Liverpool fan I'd want to link up with. Lol being a born and raised American Manchester United fan for 20 years, they were my opps, but my girlfriend (who I'm friend with now) is a Liverpool fan. I even got her a Salah jersey and a custom one with her name on it for her birthday. Time's a flat circle.

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[okokok]

This is the kind of story that just breaks my heart. Men believe their own fantasy and totally embarrass themselves. I’ve been there, I wish I could say I haven’t been there, but I’ve been there. Why do we men occasionally throw away all rationality when it comes to women? I wish I knew. I really do pity him, but I wish we as a sex could do better. But it’s hard, because we love so hard sometimes. It’s just our nature.

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[oc.businessman.33]

Unfortunately, some people struggle to separate fantasy from reality. You were clear in stating it was a business relationship, and that’s all you can do. How they handle it is on them. If they can’t respect your boundary, blocking them is more than justified.

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[king-sama4u2nv]

This is iffy to me. Not iffy in a bad way but in a way that best keeps your safety as the prime prospect in all of this. I don't have to get into the how some of us can fall very deep into the fantasy we pay for as the members here have completely covered that real well. You can make the indication to this person that what you are is a fantasy and nothing more with hopes of them understanding and moving on. For some reason we have this goofy ass tendency to go crazy when we realize we're sharing the provider with other clients. Flying off the handle when in texts or over the phone when shit doesn't go our way. Never understood that....

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[TanyaTate]

Of course. And I can see why and relate to it. I didn't harass, insult or threaten an escort by any means lol; in fact I actually became good friends with one! But craving sex to mask a lack of intimacy and honest connections with people I knew that turns into self loathing. If people want just sex out of something, people need to respect that and not demand more emotional labor. Especially if it is transactional or a fuck buddy set up. I got caught up in thinking that sleeping with people made them deeply connected and that wasn't the case, so I hurt myself in the process. My relationship with sex and intimacy evolved over time with a lot of therapy and hard questions I asked about myself. The hobby was a great outlet for exploring that too. Glad you responded and definitely wishing you well. Hopefully we can meet some day.

It’s the craving I think that overtakes. Things of a sexual nature can be very emotional and I can connect deeply with my fans. But at the end of the day it’s reciprocation. I’m glad there is an outlet for this. Imagine if there wasn’t. Everyone needs a release.

Thank you for your kind words. You know how to find me

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[TanyaTate]

PS: You're the SECOND redheaded Liverpool fan I'd want to link up with. Lol being a born and raised American Manchester United fan for 20 years, they were my opps, but my girlfriend (who I'm friend with now) is a Liverpool fan. I even got her a Salah jersey and a custom one with her name on it for her birthday. Time's a flat circle.

Haha love Liverpool FC. Salah is an amazing player!!

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[TanyaTate]

This is the kind of story that just breaks my heart. Men believe their own fantasy and totally embarrass themselves. I’ve been there, I wish I could say I haven’t been there, but I’ve been there. Why do we men occasionally throw away all rationality when it comes to women? I wish I knew. I really do pity him, but I wish we as a sex could do better. But it’s hard, because we love so hard sometimes. It’s just our nature.

It’s ok to love. And it’s ok to have feelings. Especially when the lady is doing her best to make you feel amazing and wanted and appreciated. I recognize that. It’s when it gets out of hand. It’s a hard lesson for the man. And it feels really awful and shocking to be on the receiving end. I am learning more about this. It’s definitely heart breaking

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[TanyaTate]

Unfortunately, some people struggle to separate fantasy from reality. You were clear in stating it was a business relationship, and that’s all you can do. How they handle it is on them. If they can’t respect your boundary, blocking them is more than justified.

Thank you. This I needed to hear. Boundaries were crossed and when I explained what they were asking for I couldn’t give, I was accused of many “despicable” things. They handled it very badly. Even when I gave them time hoping they would blow off steam, it was like lighting a fire.

My words were kind yet very clear. I had to block when they continued to spew venom. I will have to block again if I see them online again.

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[TanyaTate]

This is iffy to me. Not iffy in a bad way but in a way that best keeps your safety as the prime prospect in all of this. I don't have to get into the how some of us can fall very deep into the fantasy we pay for as the members here have completely covered that real well. You can make the indication to this person that what you are is a fantasy and nothing more with hopes of them understanding and moving on. For some reason we have this goofy ass tendency to go crazy when we realize we're sharing the provider with other clients. Flying off the handle when in texts or over the phone when shit doesn't go our way. Never understood that....

It’s so sad because you go from having a really beautiful situation to it being very traumatic. And then everything is really just completely spoiled. Because of their actions there is no going back.

If you are talking to a girl on a sex based platform, paying per interaction, then expect it to become a real life thing and no longer business. That’s the problem. Accept it and carry on or remove yourself completely if you can’t handle it. Some people like to destroy the good things they had on the way out the door.

I wish I understood it better too.

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[theeaglekid]

That is the problem when you go from attempting to make your fantasy, a reality forever. Some guys do get very warped up in their own emotions, because they resonate with the interaction more deeply. Emotion is a very powerful thing, and it literally leads to a lot of irrational behaviour.

I have been in awe when I first met my ATFs (same I am sure would happen if I met you!), but I have to tell myself, this is a short term scenario of making ones dream come true. If people have that mindset, it is much easier.

But boundaries have to of course be set, otherwise people tend to want to take advantage of the situation.

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