I’ve long suspected that if I ever get caught, it’ll be because I talk about something that happened while getting tested or something I saw in the city going to/from a date when I was supposed to be at a “work meeting” or if I mentioned someone I shouldn’t know or shouldn’t have seen, and that it wouldn’t be because I get caught at the wrong place/wrong time or because of a loose financial record or a lie about where I’m going, although the jury is still out on that since I’m still safe - for now.
But I had a scare at dinner tonight with my daughter and her mother (my estranged wife). My daughter was talking about a boy at school who likes her who she described as autistic, but then said “he’s barely on the spectrum. If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t guess it”. I was 3 1/2 drinks in at that point (being around the “wife” is significantly more tolerable with alcohol) and said “oh, like Lily Lou (Tryst Agency)”. They both looked at me funny and this was the ensuing conversation:
Wife: Who’s Lily Lou (Tryst Agency)?
Me: (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck feeling my face get hot thinking what the fuck did I just do?? Think FAST! Buy time) The autistic girl from… that tv show.
Daughter: What tv show?
Wife: What the fuck are you talking about?
Me: (feeling the lightbulb ignite) That girl from Dr. Seuss, from Whoville
Daughter: Daddy, that’s Cindy Lou. Cindy Lou Who actually.
Wife: Yeah and she’s not autistic.
Me: Oh, I thought that’s why she was shunned by everyone. Wasn’t that the lesson of that show?
Daughter: No, she was just nice to the grinch before he turned nice.
Me: Oh, right. That’s the one with the grinch. I haven’t watched that in a long time. I thought I remembered her being autistic.
Wife: Maybe if you didn’t drink so much, you wouldn’t have so many memory problems.
I don’t actually drink that much, just when I’m around her, so she thinks I do.
I then made a face and snarkily and childishly repeated what she said about me drinking too much and started praying that I covered myself enough and neither of them decided to Google Lily Lou (Tryst Agency). I think I’m safe.
Scared the living shit out of myself though.
Anyone else ever out themselves like this or almost do something like this?
But I had a scare at dinner tonight with my daughter and her mother (my estranged wife). My daughter was talking about a boy at school who likes her who she described as autistic, but then said “he’s barely on the spectrum. If you didn’t know, you wouldn’t guess it”. I was 3 1/2 drinks in at that point (being around the “wife” is significantly more tolerable with alcohol) and said “oh, like Lily Lou (Tryst Agency)”. They both looked at me funny and this was the ensuing conversation:
Wife: Who’s Lily Lou (Tryst Agency)?
Me: (fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck feeling my face get hot thinking what the fuck did I just do?? Think FAST! Buy time) The autistic girl from… that tv show.
Daughter: What tv show?
Wife: What the fuck are you talking about?
Me: (feeling the lightbulb ignite) That girl from Dr. Seuss, from Whoville
Daughter: Daddy, that’s Cindy Lou. Cindy Lou Who actually.
Wife: Yeah and she’s not autistic.
Me: Oh, I thought that’s why she was shunned by everyone. Wasn’t that the lesson of that show?
Daughter: No, she was just nice to the grinch before he turned nice.
Me: Oh, right. That’s the one with the grinch. I haven’t watched that in a long time. I thought I remembered her being autistic.
Wife: Maybe if you didn’t drink so much, you wouldn’t have so many memory problems.
I don’t actually drink that much, just when I’m around her, so she thinks I do.
I then made a face and snarkily and childishly repeated what she said about me drinking too much and started praying that I covered myself enough and neither of them decided to Google Lily Lou (Tryst Agency). I think I’m safe.
Scared the living shit out of myself though.
Anyone else ever out themselves like this or almost do something like this?
