I think we’ve had an unspoken agreement with providers since the beginning of time. It’s the kind of agreement that isn’t said out loud, but when it is, it puts things into perspective—and I think that’s what happened to me today. Hearing it gives you the reminder that this hobby is a give-and-take, with both parties sacrificing something in order to be part of the community. Trust is a huge part of it, though some clients either don’t believe in it or just don’t care. Still, hearing that providers carry more risk in this than we do really made me stop and think—and realize they absolutely do.
The unspoken agreement we have with providers is always there in the back of our minds every time we send out verification information. Basically, if you try anything shady with a provider, you can be outed or possibly blackmailed. Now, blackmail has never crossed my mind when sending my information, but it’s a very real possibility—especially when booking independently. And once that sinks in, your mind scrambles until the other side of the agreement hits: there’s also a possibility you could kill this provider.
Yeah—that’s the part a lot of us choose to ignore. These are women, often petite women, letting full-grown men into their space. They’re literally closing the door of a hotel room where anything could happen. Don’t get me wrong—law enforcement today would bring justice in less than a week—but that doesn’t scare everyone. Some of us have seen what clients are capable of once those doors shut. Thankfully, I’ve never been connected to a provider being harmed, but we all know it happens. The media may not cover it often for reasons unknown, but if you look for it, you’ll find it.
This came up after I read a post by Eve Marlowe. She dropped it like a brick on someone’s foot—hard and uncomfortable, but impossible to ignore. After her post, a few providers chimed in to back her up. One even gave an example that cut right to the point about why verification is so important.
You don’t need the full post to get the message. Seeing the words “stuffed in a barrel” is more than enough to understand where she was coming from. After that, the client responded with why they thought they shouldn’t have to send verification. I honestly don’t get why they sent that or what it had to do with verifying themselves—but it was clear that no amount of reasoning or evidence was going to change their mind.
We’ve talked about this before when it comes to P411. P411 is not enough, and it doesn’t replace real verification information. A lot of us think it should, but it just isn’t.
After reading all this, I don’t think there’s any argument strong enough to justify not sending verification. Being this deep into the hobby, I see news stories like the one the provider shared pop up in my alerts all the time. They happen more often than some of us want to believe. I choose not to share them in the community for a number of reasons, but maybe a wake-up call is needed. Maybe we need that reminder of the damage we’re capable of, whether we like it or not.
At the end of the day, no matter how much we dislike giving up our own information, a provider’s life is far more valuable than what could possibly happen to us.
