I came across this clip of Holly Randall and had to speak my peace. If I don’t, it’s going to stay on my mind all day—and I feel like it touches on something that quietly affects a lot of us when it comes to fully enjoying our time with providers.
To keep it real: porn has messed with me mentally.
I’ve always been upfront about not being the biggest guy out there swinging some massive piece, and a lot of that insecurity came from the way porn set expectations. From a porn perspective, it feels like unless you’ve got a giant dick, you’re not enough to please a woman. That idea—real or not—has been drilled in over the years and carried over into how I saw myself, especially in my earlier days in the hobby.
Now, we all know why big dicks dominate porn. Holly breaks it down perfectly in the clip I saw with her guest, Alison Rey (Tryst Agency). It’s what people want to see. Aesthetically, it works on camera. Viewers want to clearly see penetration, especially when a woman’s got a fat ass. Somewhere along the line, we internalized that what we were seeing was the standard—like that’s what we’re all supposed to be packing in real life.
Teenage me didn’t understand that. Like most of us, I started watching porn young, and at that age, you’re super impressionable. Seeing all those scenes where guys were hung like horses and realizing I wasn’t built the same—it really got into my head. I didn’t have any weird locker room moments or trauma like that growing up. Honestly, that stuff never affected me. But porn? It did.
Now that I’m older, I’ve had time to grow into myself and accept my body for what it is. I’ve talked to providers about this too when the topic came up organically, and hearing their perspective helped even more. It’s still something that crosses my mind here and there, but it doesn’t control the moment anymore.
I bring all this up because I know this kind of insecurity can mess with a lot of us in the hobby—especially newer clients. It can absolutely kill your mood and even hurt your performance if you're not in the right headspace. That used to be me in the early days. But over time, I’ve learned to reframe it and realize there’s way more to being a good client and partner than just size.
My hope is that anyone reading this, whether you're new or seasoned, can find peace in knowing you’re not alone—and that what you see on screen isn’t the standard you have to live up to.
