I just learned there is such a thing as providers pushing boundaries. You hear so much about clients doing it to providers, but you never really hear about...
I just learned there is such a thing as providers pushing boundaries. You hear so much about clients doing it to providers, but you never really hear about providers doing it to us. It’s pretty unheard of since not too many clients continuously see the same provider, so that kind of relationship — where overstepping can happen — doesn’t usually have time to develop. But it did for me. And while I might be overthinking it, I don’t think I am.
A provider friend — yes, she is a friend. I’ve seen her for several years, spoken about personal things, taken middle-of-the-night phone calls — all of that. She called me to check up and see how I was doing, and I let her know about my plans for the year. Mind you, she knows I have bucket list items I’m trying to check off. When I told her I was finally going to be crossing off a few of those items, she slipped in, “So, when are you going to see me again?” I was a little confused, but I shrugged it off and said, “As soon as I get the chance.”
Fast forward a couple of minutes — she starts throwing out dates that would be best to book her. Again, I’m confused. I already told her my plans, and seeing her wasn’t part of them. I just told her I’d get back to her and made up a reason to end the call.
That entire experience made me so damn uncomfortable. To try and insert herself into my plans — when she clearly wasn’t part of them — really felt like a boundary was being crossed.
Now, I can admit I might’ve had a hand in this. I’ve always had a rule: don’t talk to providers about other providers, and if I do, it’s just to briefly praise them before moving on. I thought this friend and I were close enough to have those conversations. I have spoken to her about other providers before, and there’s never been a problem — at least not openly.
This situation reminded me of a conversation I had with an acquaintance — very similar. His boundaries were being pushed, too. So clearly, I’m not the only one who’s experienced this. I’m not saying our boundaries being crossed is worse than what providers deal with. Providers go through clients pushing boundaries every day, in a number of ways. I’m just saying — we’re human on both sides. And whether we consciously realize it or not, we’re all capable of doing too much.
This provider probably didn’t even realize she was overstepping. And when it comes up again — which it will — I’m honestly torn on how I should handle it. I enjoy being with this provider both intimately and as close friends. She a great person to talk to and with her being very exclusive seeing her makes the booking pretty worth it.
